Musings

Writing about...nothing

There may be two levels of purity in life, pure ignorance, if that is possible and pure knowledge. In between whatever we have is maya. That is what scares me so much about writing down my thoughts…writing seems to be a disguised effort to immortalize something very transient in its existence. Having said this, I would like to add that this is also the only consolation, that nothing of what I am writing is real. That this is just a story like any other, easiest way to deal with it will be to read and discard.

But I would like to believe that it is worth more than that. That my writing is a way for you to get a glimpse of that truth of my life, that I do not believe you would have seen had you been here with me, sharing my days. And I have a very selfish reason for writing too…that somehow in trying to tell you about this truth, which I know exists somewhere in me, I will actually get a grasp of this elusive little thing myself. You and me will then make it possible, make this journey called life a little more meaningful.

Here I go again - why do I search for meanings? More than half of my life I think, I ran after meanings, till I was comfortable to stop, take a deep breath in and try the opposite route. Once I heard a story – of a young cat and an elderly one. The young cat was running round and round in circles. Amused at this, the elderly cat asked him – why are you doing so? The young cat replied – My tail is my happiness and I am trying to grab it. The elderly cat smiled, and said – Watch me, kiddo – and started strolling slowly and steadily. My happiness follows me, see, I do not run after it – He winks.

So we will try this winking strategy. We will not go after meanings. Perhaps meanings will follow us. You have to trust me on this. Start at scratch and assume, okay, here we go – I have come too much ahead to take a step back – there is no meaning, everything has been and is meaningless. Let us see what comes out of this. Bit by bit, perhaps we will build something. Perhaps we will see nothing. But we will explore and find out everything about this ‘nothing’. If anything, we will get to the bottom of this ‘nothing’ that stands as a big question mark in front of my life.

posted by Bidisha @ 8:12 AM